Episode: August 22 2011

DANIEL'S DUMP.
Daniel's scribbling out some useless soulless "art" or other stupid ass shit, when Lily drops by to yammer endlessly about some God-damned thing or another. How's that for a recap?

GCAC DINING ROOM.
Nick demands Deacon tell him what's going on with Deacon and Phyllis and also, Deacon's blood type and bank card PIN number. Because Nick's entitled to that information, you see. What a dick. Deacon's clearly been working on his 'scoffing' techniques, because he pulls out a beautiful one right there.

GLOWORM.
Gloria, yay! She's explaining how she whores out Deacon's ass for drink tips, when Phyllis starts asking questions about Deacon's time card for the day Diane Jenkins was murdered. She's all but sure Deacon was the murderer. Borderline slander is fun!

VICTORIA'S HOUSE.
Sam's stopped by to rent a room from Victoria. Where's he been sleeping until now, anyway? Underneath parked cars? Victoria's confused in general and by this in particular, until Sam tells her Victor went ahead and offered Sam part of her property without even asking her first.

CRIMSON LIGHTS.
Adam, whose hair looks like a relief map of the Andes today, clickity-clacks on his laptop until stupid Noah has to come over and be all, "Whaaa! You fucked my mommy over!" Grow a set, Noah, and shove a fresh pot of piping hot coffee down his throat already.

PRISON VISITING ROOM.
Scatter-brained lawyer Avery manages to stumble her way into the right room. She notices Sharon's in a not-miserable mood. Eagle eye!

NEWMAN RANCH.
Victor flashes back to when he discovered Diane's floaty corpse in the Plywood River. Then, the cops arrive to toss Victor's ranch looking for clues. Victor tells them they're idiots, which besides being true will also piss them off. Hey Victor - cops have been known to "find" incriminating evidence by planting it in the first place, you idiot.

CRIMSON LIGHTS.
Silly Noah still thinks words will get results from Adam. Adam twists things around until he's the hero and Noah's the bad guy. Adam strolls calmly away. How'd all them words work out for you, Noah? COFFEE POT.

PRISON VISITING ROOM.
Stupid-assed Sharon still wants the only friend she has in the world, Sam, to take a hike. Avery rolls her eyes.

VICTORIA'S HOUSE.
Sam's been staying at a MO-tel, so at least he hasn't been sacking out under Buicks all this time.

NEWMAN RANCH.
Victor keeps berating Ronan and company, and right now, a little police brutality seems twistedly fitting. Just once across his floppy jowls, Ronan. I'll never tell. They're looking for a pair of Flouncy Valenti shoes, which left clear imprints at the crime scene and which Victor just happened to have bought a pair of recently. Ronan picks his nose.

How not to dig for clues.

DANIEL'S DUMP.
Blah blah Cane blah blah frigid blah blah Lily's a big mess.

GLOWORM.
Gloria calls Phyllis on her slanderous bullshit. Phyllis pretty much just says out loud that she's trying to destroy Deacon's reputation, so he can't testify that he totally saw Phyllis' ass chasing Diane through Plywood Forest, carrying a rock no less, on the night of the murder, wherein Diane was bludgeoned to death with a rock

GCAC DINING ROOM.
Deacon calls Nick on being a huge dick.

NEWMAN RANCH.
Victor threatens to have Ronan fired. Ronan calmly shows him a photo, taken hours before the murder, of Victor wearing the incriminating shoes. This show has wasted a perfectly good opportunity for a spit take.

DANIEL'S DUMP.
Blah blah Daniel fucked up blah blah then they make out.

SMACKsnorpslorpSLURP...

VICTORIA'S HOUSE.
Victoria's not sure if she wants to rent dead, gun-wielding, brain-tumored, loony Brit Jenna's former kidnapping crazycakes apartment to Sam. What could go wrong, with such a lovely back-story?

PRISON VISITING ROOM.
Avery's totally got something close to being the start of the seed of something vaguely resembling a plan to save Sharon, maybe. She leaves - then Adam arrives.

CRIMSON LIGHTS.
Noah complains to Nick about Adam. Nick tells his son things are just easier if he stops  giving a shit about his mom. Great parenting. What a dick.

RESTLESS STYLE.
Phyllis, hard at work trashing Deacon in an article when who should walk in but smug Deacon himself? The best timing in the world for some of these people.

DANIEL'S DUMP.
Daniel and Lily hump. Daytime TV softcore porn FTW!

RESTLESS STYLE.
Deacon knows about Phyllis trying to grab his time clock punch card. He makes it clear he knows she was there at the crime scene the night of Diane's murder, and that he knows she and Nick are lying about being together all night that night.

NEWMAN RANCH.
Victor claims the photo was faked, just like the moon landing. The police come up empty-handed on the shoes, but when Ronan asks where Victor was the night of the murder Victoria suddenly appears out of thin air to vouch for daddy dearest. Where the fuck did she come from? Ronan smarms a chuckle. Victor says the non-word "substansuate".

"How DARE you blingsinuate I make up words!"

RESTLESS STYLE.
Deacon taunts Phyllis, which considering she's such a cunt is fun to watch. Deacon plants the seeds of doubt in Phyllis' mind about where Nick was the night of Diane's murder.

CRIMSON LIGHTS.
Noah blah blah forgive Sharon blah blah. Noah steps away to take a call from Devon, leaving Nick to space out and flash back to getting crank calls of his own voice threatening Diane.

PRISON VISITING ROOM.
Adam and Sharon have it out until Sam arrives. Sharon rolls her eyes that such a nice guy could give a shit about her.

DANIEL'S DUMP.
Daniel and Lily blah blah pillow talk.

GLOWORM.
Gloria tries to milk Ronan for information on the murder trial, but his cop udders won't squirt. How's that for a euphemism? Hah? Pulitzer, baby! Right here! Speaking of udders, Ronan spots giant-boobed Heather grab a table. He decides to annoy her by existing in her general vicinity. 

PRISON VISITING ROOM.
Seeing Sam, Adam snarks a bit then leaves.

RESTLESS STYLE.
Deacon tells Phyllis they have a dinner date and walks out. Phyllis can't run her slam piece on Deacon without risking Nick's alibi in the process.

NEWMAN RANCH.
Victoria blah blah alibi. Well, that's a weak way to end an episode, even for this show.