Dead, dead Diane narrates this episode. Is anyone really surprised that not even Death itself can keep this broad's goddamn yap shut?
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| Blah blah blah... |
Douchity-douchity-douche bag Ronan tapes photos of the suspects to the white board and then stares at it, wondering what would happen if he stopped thinking about how awesome he was, and instead just tried to solve this stupid case thing. Dead Diane talks about being alive. So neither she, nor irony, are as dead as we've been lead to believe.
Dream Sequence.
Diane in her suite surrounded by funeral flowers. She claims she had no idea she'd be killed, which means she must be so tragically stupid it's probably a blessing not to have her in the gene pool anymore.
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| This show is weird. |
Victoria's House.
Dead Diane calls Victoria narcissistic, which, duh. Victoria voicemails Billy to ask why he suddenly took off. Victor arrives to warn her about Ronan and his sidekick, Ronan's Ego, who will both want to question her.
Athletic Club.
Drunkster Abby shows up at the bar as dead Diane calls her a dirty whore, which, double-duh. Adam approaches, offering to be Abby's alibi if she'll be his. She says no.
Plywood Forest.
Abby's flashback has Diane taunting Abby with the key to a safe containing Abby's confession tape. Abby lunges for Diane.
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| With this key, I thee screw. |
Tucker's reading the headlines about dead Diane being dead.
Plywood Forest.
Tucker's flashback has Diane taunting him about the confession tape. For someone who didn't know she was going to be killed, she sure sent out plenty of engraved invitations...
Tucker's "pad".
Ashley's pissed about Tucker fucking Diane, and she will be staying elsewhere for the time being. They basically recycled the Billy/Victoria break-up dialog, so moving on to Ashley's phone call. Ronan's coming over to talk about Diane's murder and his awesome hair.
Victoria's House.
Victor bad-mouths Billy to Victoria, who still loves the miserable gambling drunkard.
Restless Style.
Phyllis and Nick agree to be each others' alibi.
Plywood Forest.
A Nick flashback. He's confronting Diane on the footbridge, ready to call the DA about Diane blackmailing his family. She knocks the phone out of his hands...
...a Phyllis flashback. Diane thinks they have unfinished business to discuss.
Athletic Club.
Adam still wants to share alibis with Abby. She's not going for it, dude. And you want the spoiled drunk-driving snot to be your cover story?
Aeroplane.
Jack, nervously twitching in his seat.
Tucker's "pad".
Ashley and Tucker nervously await Ronan's arrival.
Plywood Forest.
An Ashley flashback. Hey, how did ten people get together in the same park at the same time and not cross paths? This timeline is going to look more like a double knot. Anyway, Ashley and Diane bitch at each other.
Tucker's "pad".
Here's Ronan! He wants to know where they were when Diane's head was being turned inside out.
Athletic Club.
Adam presses Abby to cooperate. She refuses. He gives up. Finally!
Victoria's House.
Blah blah Victoria.
Tucker's "pad".
Ashley and Tucker lie that they were together at the swingin' "pad" when Diane was killed.
Restless Style.
Phyllis and Nick lie that they were together all night. Ronan notices her EMERGENCY! manicure.
Athletic Club.
Adam sulks alone while Abby sits with Victor talking about Ronan, and Adam's offer of an alibi. Ronan slides in to ask Abby some questions. She claims she was at the bar all night, but all the bartender can remember is how fucking drunk Abby got herself.
GCPD Station.
Ronan's looking at the fingernail Phyllis lost the night of the murder, wondering who it belongs to and if he'd look totally awesome in that color. Then he remembers Phyllis' EMERGENCY! manicure...
Plywood Forest.
A Phyllis flashback. Diane heaps insults on Phyllis. They scrap briefly, then Diane casually leaves to make a call. Phyllis digs the murder rock out of the plywood forest floor and follows Diane...
...Tucker's flashback has him strangling her with his weak coma hands, and Diane shoving his off-balance ass effortlessly to the ground like he's a three-legged dog. He rolls around in the underbrush, going three rounds with a plastic shrub before throwing in the towel.
GCPD Station.
Ronan smirks flirtatiously at his reflection in the back of a spoon, when someone drops off more evidence: the safe key Diane had taunted Abby with. It was found in Diane's mouth, possibly as an ill-fated effort to shut her the fuck up.
Plywood Forest.
Abby's flashback, continued. Diane easily fends her off, and if Diane was really this strong all along, they should have just had her go around town beating the shit out of everybody. That would have been great. Alas, we're stuck with this dimly-lit, dimly-written scene. Oh look! Abby's come back for knuckle-sandwich second helpings! She's holding her own, actually, although this is a dragged-out slap fight...
... Nick's dickish flashback. Diane tries to get Nick's phone but she can't, mostly because Nick's slapping her around and threatening to murder her. The fumbled phone, of course, somehow mis-dials to Ashley's voicemail, which records the whole altercation...
...Ashley's flashback shows her and Diane bickering. Ashley shoves Diane's off-balanced ass to the ground like she's a two-legged Tucker. Diane gets up and runs, chased by Ashley. A state park wildlife camera records their exchange.
GCPD Station.
Still more evidence piling up: a deep imprint on Diane's arm from a Harvard class ring.
Athletic Club.
Hey everybody! Look at Adam's Harvard class ring! Shiny! The alibi-needer calls the chick he banged the night of the murder.
Aeroplane.
Jack, flying off to rescue Kyle from good food, nice people, and free medical care. You teach those freedom-loving socialists a lesson in how to abuse the poors, Jack!
GCPD Station.
Ronan's looking over Victor's flight plans for just after the murder took place. Then he autographs his own picture and mails it to himself.
Plywood Forest.
Victor's flashback. Diane's telling him Adam was setting him up for her murder. She asks him for help and he, in a rage, goes after her with the murder rock. Victoria watches from a distance, shocked at what she sees.
Dream Sequence.
Diane in her suite surrounded by the rest of the cast. Just fucking standing there. Easy paycheck, dudes. Kudos.
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| Ooooh, pretty! |
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