Police Station.
Victor, who tried to jump bail, doesn't seem to understand he fucked up and demands the DA let him go, find Kyle all the way in Europe, and make a new pot of coffee because this one sucks. The DA is about to crown Victor "Lord Asshole of the Mumbleshire" when magical lawyer Michael Baldwin arrives on the back of his pet vulture. Victor, concealing his smirk behind an awful mustache, delivers the bad news about Diane to Michael. Mike's eyes bulge so much farther than usual that one of them pops out and lands in Victor's coffee. The somber DA makes it official: Diane was fucking murdered, dude. Michael wipes his errant eyeball clean and inserts it into the socket backwards to lighten the mood. There is much laughter.
 |
| Lord Asshole of the Mumbleshire. |
Crimson Lights.
Katherine and Murphy take turns nodding off into the sugar bowl. He's freaked out about finding Diane's body and extends his hands to Katherine for emotional support; she stares cold daggers back at him, silently making a note to beat the audacity out of him at some later date when his guard is down. She still wants to crush Tucker's dreams - for his own good, she adds. Murphy's snoring into his mug.
 |
| "I shall have you fed to my servants, old man." |
Ashley and Tucker, apparently unaware that Diane's now not so much of a threat as she is a door stop, yammer about her blackmail attempt. Tucker Freudian slips the word "grave" into the conversation and Ashley pretty much admits she smacked the shit out of Diane in public. Tucker's fucked-up brain is both aroused and disgusted. Ashley lets drop that Diane claimed to have slept with Tucker. Tucker says "Yep!"
Chancellor Estate.
Oh look everybody! It's frumpy Nina, moping in through the door! Hi Nina! Jill notes the rain cloud hovering over Nina's head and fetches an umbrella. For herself, not for Nina. Something's wrong with Chance, Nina moans. You mean besides the fact that he still exists on this show? What, pray tell us squat woman, is worse than that?
 |
| Frump. |
Where everyone, ironically, is overfed and out of shape. Wearing her pretty pretty new EMERGENCY! fingernails, unblinking Phyllis bumps into unfeeling Adam. She insinuates he's the murderer, fighting back her native praying mantis instincts to gnaw through the back of his skull and triumphantly implant her eggs into the gaping wound.
Prison Visiting Room.
Sam lets dumb Sharon win her third straight game of Go Fish. Lucky she doesn't know numbers, eh, Doctor Sam? Sam tells Sharon some old whore's filthy body was found floating in the park stream, but he doesn't know who because he only dates younger, cleaner whores like her. Sharon's high-priced lawyer Avery arrives to tell Sharon she's screwed: the judge who put her ass away is, like, undefeated in life or something. Sharon suspiciously asks just what this all has to do with Go Fish. Sam sighs and rubs his forehead. Avery's glad she bills by the hour.
 |
| "Now let's play nine-card stud pokers!" |
Since the kops are utterly useless in Genoa City, the job of finding Kyle falls to private eye Paul. Using his awesome powers of deduction, Paul has determined that the call from Kyle came from ... Switzerland. Which everybody already fucking knew. Paul has also deduced that Kyle is a Caucasian male young adult who is Jack's son. Spectacular job Paul! Now, if only you could solve "The Curious Case of Your Missing Car Keys"...
Crimson Lights.
Katherine still intends to have Tucker's marriage to Ashley annulled. She also thinks Ashley is full of shit about something, but Katherine hasn't made up why yet.
Tucker's "pad".
Tucker's trying to weasel out of the fact he fucked Diane and lied to Ashley about it. But the "suave liar" part of his brain was knocked out through his right nostril when drunken Abby ran him over, so he's pretty much stuck with the ugly truth. Ashley's not super excited to hear it.
 |
| Crazy disapproves. |
A wandering old Murphy just happens to find his way home, where Nina weeps on the couch. Jill licks her lips hungrily as she watches those delicious, salty tears of grief roll down Nina's cheeks. Nina can't get in touch with her soldier son Chance. Maybe he's busy fighting a fucking war, you smothering harpy? What, you think the Taliban gives American soldiers a ten minute smoke break every four hours to comply with OSHA regulations? Dumb ass.
Police Station.
The kops see Paul's amazing reasoning skills and also that he knows how to dial a phone without forgetting the numbers while he's doing it, and ask him to consult on Diane's case. He agrees, as long as he doesn't have to try too hard. The DA's cool with that. Now Paul can be useless on two cases at once! Hooray!
Police Station Visiting Room.
Michael's trying to talk some sense into Victor, but Victor won't have any of this 'sanity' stuff. Not when his drunken ex-wife is barhopping up and down the west coast! Why, she might even be having a good time! She must be stopped!
Prison Visiting Room.
Sharon's finished explaining the rules of Go Fish all wrong to Avery. Sam and Sharon bring Avery up to speed on her situation, so we don't need to linger here since you can go back through this blog to see what's happened on the show.
Tucker's "pad".
If all Ashley does is whine, I'm skipping this scene. Yep, lotsa whining. Oh wait! Katherine's here to destroy a marriage that's already imploding. Hag.
 |
| Hag. |
Michael's trying to spring Victor. The DA doesn't look so cooperative.
Police Station.
Jack's done more successful investigating in two minutes than Paul has all show: he's narrowed the list of 'might be Kyle' to eleven boys. Paul's off to fuck up the investigation of Diane's death scene with his super-power of deduction. Good luck, Paul!
Diane's Former Suite.
Phyllis fondles the police tape on the door like it's written in Braille. Considering her outfit she just might be blind. Adam crosses paths with her, having followed the scent of nail polish from her EMERGENCY! manicure. How odd that she wasted her time with that, instead of, you know, digging in to the nasty details of Diane's death for the magazine? How unlike her. She counters that every woman to hook up with Adam meets a gruesome fate. Which, hopefully, Phyllis will hook up with him.
 |
| "Feels like Nick's penis, only without the leaking warts..." |
The 'bringing up to speed' continues. Avery vows to go all savage on Adam's ass.
Chancellor Estate.
Murphy and Jill are all supportive for Nina. Blah blah Nina's a paranoid idiot, moving right along.
Police Station Visiting Room.
Jack barges in to show the DA his list of eleven 'might be Kyles'. The idiot DA doesn't know what to do with the list and stares at it blankly. Jack gives him a few hints, like maybe he should call each kid and see which one is Kyle. The DA kinda gets it?
Plywood Forest.
There's, like, forty evidence markers all over the ground. Paul arrives to fuck things up with his amazing detecting skills. Phyllis arrives and interrupts to ask what he's found. She seems nervous, or maybe it's just her chlamydia acting up again.
 |
| I'm beginning to think they don't know how to use these things... |
With private investigator Paul out of the way, Jack is making real progress finding Kyle. Does Kyle have any tattoos, someone on the phone asks him. Just the one of Aaliyah on his ass, Jack replies. Nope - this kid's got a Tupac tattoo. That lad's eliminated from the list. Is he an African-American? asks another person on the phone. How many black people are in Switzerland? Four? Don't you think Jack would mention that? Another caller asks, Is Kyle six foot two? Okay, idiot caller, the kid's eleven years old. Now you're just fucking with him.
 |
| Not Kyle's ass. |
Blah blah Katherine's a mean cunt blah blah Tucker's brain is fucked up blah blah he thinks he's in Portugal moving on.
Prison Visiting Room.
Sam asks what's on Sharon's mind and she says sometimes, ponies.
Athletic Club.
Avery sidles up next to Adam at the bar. They flirt.
Tucker's "pad".
Blah blah Tucker reminds Katherine she's a shitty mother, calls her Darius of Persia, and declares war on her with his massive imaginary army of chariot archers and pike-men. Moving on.
Prison Visiting Room.
Sam lies that Sharon didn't mess his messed up life up. They decide to be best friends 4evah.
Athletic Club.
Avery's got Adam eating out of her hand. Which is doubly impressive since what she's holding are rusty thumbtacks. Nummies! She goes to get a handful of firecrackers and Adam looks her up on his Crackberry and figures out somehow who she is. Wait what?
Chancellor Estate.
Nina says she's thinking of turning to Satan for help. Satan holds his hands up and goes, "Whoa, whoa! Who said we were friends here?" Then he sidesteps out of the room.
Police Station.
Victor, Mike and Jack stroll around like they own the place which, let's face it, these cash-hoarders probably do. Someone calls Jack with a lead on Kyle and Jack asks if he could email a picture of the boy. The caller asks if the kid in the picture has to be wearing clothes and Jack says, preferably. Mike gets a call and what the fuck? All I do with this show is watch people talk on the fucking phone. Nikki's returned to the rehab center. The DA gets a call (motherfucker!) from the mayor...
 |
| All My Phonecalls. |
Plywood Forest.
The kops shoo Phyllis away. Paul asks where the body was found and the kop points to, like, six square acres of land. That should narrow things down.
Police Station.
The mayor says they're pulling in an actual detective from outside Genoa City for the murder case - one who can detect and everything!
Plywood Forest.
The actual detective arrives. It's Nina's other son, liver stealing Ronan! He looks like a douche.
 |
| Douche. |
No comments:
Post a Comment