Episode: July 21 2011

Gloworm.
Some of Genoa City's finest, most upstanding citizens are here, as well as Jack Abbott. Shabbily-dressed Sam walks in, daring to wear off-the-rack. Somehow he evades security. Jack thanks him for 'standing by' Sharon, which I guess is a euphemism for 'fucking'. Sam says that's a pretty big club of people who have been 'standing by' Sharon, and whaddaya know, it actually is a euphemism for 'fucking'. Jack warns Sam that Victor (sitting a few tables away) is a scumbag. Victor's meeting with his son Nicholas, pretending he gives two damns about Sharon's mental health. His background check of Sam shows that Sam's a good guy. Victor's background check of himself, however, came back covered in bloody Satanic symbols. Then, judging from his facial expression, Victor shits his pants.

"The great ... UNH ... Victor Newman ...UNGH ... does not wear DIAPERS!"

Jail Payphone/Adam's Suite.
Sharon's on the horn with Diane asking for Adam. What a waste of a quarter, Sharon. Diane's implying that she will be 'standing by' Adam later that evening. Oh noes!

Restless Style.
Hey Sharon! Adam's here with Phyllis! Call Restless Style! Ah, she never listens to me when I yell at my screen. Anyway, Phyllis is wearing this hideous blue strappy dress and trying to get Adam to admit he destroyed Sharon's exonerating evidence. He's a practiced liar and evades her questions. Then she drops the F.U. Bomb, telling Adam that the guy who helped Adam find the evidence, Emmett, was there when it was first found and remembers it vividly. The artful liar Adam tries to wriggle out from under Phyllis' scrutiny but she insists on reviewing the memory card herself. Phyllis recounts Adam's story for him so he can smell the shit it exudes, he tries to put the focus on Phyllis and she's just amused by his lame attempt. Adam leaves and Phyllis is on the phone to talk trash.

I have no idea what this dress is.

Gloworm.
Jack's running down the litany of Victor Newman's sins to Sam. Victor and Nick talk Sharon, and Nick says he'll only kinda sorta help his children's mother Sharon if he feels like it. What a dick. Nick tells Victor about Phyllis' suspicions about Adam, and Victor's antennae go up. What a trooper, the old dude's been sitting in his own warm stool for, like, ten minutes now and all he's thinking of is Sharon's welfare.

Jail Payphone/Adam's Suite.
Sharon leaves a message with Diane, for Adam to call her. Diane finally figures out it's Sharon she's been talking to and is like, ah, shit. Adam walks in and orders Diane to give up her only child to Victor Newman and she's all perky and says "Sure! And Sharon called!" and then leaves to surrender her son to an abusive billionaire for some unknown reason. How is that part of the plan to frame Victor for Diane's murder? This master plan is stupid. Not "the second coming of Cane" stupid, but well into stupid territory.

Restless Style.
Phyllis insists to Nick that Adam is lying about not finding evidence to exonerate Sharon. Nick says he doesn't get it, which, of course you don't Nick, because you're criminally dumb. Phyllis thinks Adam's trying to punish Sharon, and not in the fun nipple-clamp sort of way.

"C'mon, Nick! Think! Think!"

Jail Visiting Room.
Sharon paces nervously. Adam is let in looking numbed out. She's about to go to prison for 30 years and wants to clear the air. Bizarrely, Adam kind of professes his love for her.

Gloworm.
Jack's whispering sweet poisonous words into Sam's ear about Adam. Sam responds with some perfectly sane advice about not getting in the middle of a family feud and whoops, there goes Jack's latest attempt to twist a decent person into a loyal minion. Sam departs, leaving Jack with his ringing cell phone. It's Kyle, and Jack tells him he's got a surprise waiting at Gloworm. Kyle hopes it's that high-priced hooker he's had his eye on. Today you become a man!

Newman Ranch.
Diane's popped by to talk about sports and the weather and then surrender her precious baby to Victor. He doesn't look like he's buying it. One possible explanation is that it's because she's a dirty stinking lying whore. But who knows?

The face of Doubt itself.

Victor pours himself a drink as Diane wheedles and schemes. She's laying it on thick and gooey and he's still not buying it.

Restless Style.
Phyllis is breaking it down so a six year old could understand it and Nick, God bless, stares at her like she's explaining quantum theory to him in Latin. Little words, Phyllis. Little words. She decides to sic the readers of Restless Style on Adam. Get ye pitchforks!

Jail Visiting Room.
Sharon's all weepy and hey, Adam sorta combed his hair! I just noticed!

Newman Ranch.
Victor effortlessly pulls apart Diane's stupid lie. She keeps at it, tugging heart strings in Victor Newman that don't exist. But Victor has the chance to get a hold of a sweet little boy and turn him into a monster like he did with Adam, so he'll think about it.

Gloworm.
Kyle's arrived and Jack feigns interest in his life for a bit. Blah blah blah, what's the surprise? Aw, he's reaching into his jacket pocket for it, so unless it's a gift certificate for a whorehouse poor Kyle's not becoming a man today. Sorry dude, it's National Geographic and a bottle of Jergen's Lotion for you!

Sorry, little dude.

Jail Visiting Room.
I'm done with this but the show isn't. Adam blah blah Sam, Sharon blah blah Sam, blah. Oh look! Blah blah Sam enters! Adam leaves. Blah blah.

Restless Style.
Nick gives Phyllis permission to vote, drive, and write her slam piece article. She calls Emmett for some on-the-record quotes about the memory card.

Newman Ranch.
Victor reminds Diane that Kyle has an actual father in Jack. Diane thinks Victor can fuck Jack out of custody of his own son. Victor tells Diane she needs to shut her yap and he'll do it. And so he does, calling in the lawyers as Diane sneers gleefully in the background...

Gloworm.
The present for Kyle is an out-of-state father/son baseball camp. Which I hope is a euphemism for 'whore house'.

Newman Ranch.
Diane signs her son away to Victor. Once outside, Diane calls Adam to let him know she's done his bidding.

Restless Style.
The article about Adam and the evidence for Sharon hits the web and goes viral. Phyllis is overjoyed to bring more misery into Sharon's life.

Jail Visitor Room.
Failure-of-a-lawyer Leslie lets Sharon know about the article claiming Adam destroyed exonerating evidence. Sharon's jaw drops wide, and she isn't even on her knees in front of a naked man, so you know she's shocked.

Crimson Lights.
Adam contentedly adds sugar to his coffee as Sam enters. Adam tells him to go back to his little podunk desert town. Sam replies that, as a vet, he's qualified to know a snake when he sees one. Zing! Adam wasn't expecting the hillbilly to have any wit so he just stands there like a mute idiot.