Adam's twiddling his thumbs as Noah joins him at a table. Adam lies that there's no evidence to get Noah's mom Sharon out of jail, crushing the shit out of the poor kid. You would have made an excellent dad for him, Adam! A wounded Noah limps away as Adam fondly reminisces about tossing the actual evidence off a bridge and condemning Sharon to a life of morning stabbings with shivs made of broken glass and electrical tape. Good times, Adam, good times...until he gets the call from his mole at the DA's office that Diane Jenkins has totally given him the ol' shiv in the back and narc'ed him out to the fuzz. Cheese it!
 |
| Also, Noah? There's no Santa Claus. Felt like the best time to tell you. |
Diane's visited by Victor, who wants to drop off another baseball-ticket bribe for her son Kyle. Diane bitches about Victor double-crossing her and bans Victor from ever seeing Kyle again. Eyes open, ya dumb whore, Victor's bribed your son so hardcore he's probably all but ready to dig his momma a shallow grave.
Courthouse.
Jill waltzes in and, for no apparent reason, just lays the hell into step-n-fetch Esther. Chloe, Kevin and her lawyer talk about how fucked they might be thanks to Victoria's last-ditch testimony. One silver lining? Billy hasn't even shown up to the hearing yet and time's a tickin'.
Billy's Trailer.
Which, loaded as it is with crushed beer cans, is soon going to be "The mobile dumpster where Billy routinely blacks out". Victoria's all snug in a blankie, waking up and calling out for him. No answer.
Jail visiting room.
Here he is! Arrested for not hiring a hooker, which I didn't realize was mandatory in Genoa City. Good to know! His gay lawyer Rafe arrives to sort things out. Good luck, Rafe. Your own personal Gordian knot.
Athletic club suite.
Victor plans to take her son away from her with legal trickery. There isn't even a motive for him to do this to her, but other people's lives are Victor Newman's chew toys. Oh, and also, she's a she in Genoa City, so of course it's perfectly okay to just smack her around willy-nilly for giggles when you're bored.
 |
| "And after I have stolen your son, I shall return for your ovaries!" |
Now it's Jill and Chloe going a few rounds over the custody battle.
Jail visiting room.
Billy's finally released on bail. He and Rafe bee-line to the court.
Courthouse.
The trial begins with neither Billy nor his attorney present. A bailiff is sent to hunt down the hungover hooker un-hirer. Say that ten times fast, just to keep yourself awake, because this episode? Peeyew!
Athletic club suite.
Diane's buying sweet baseball tickets for Kyle. She's trying to compete with Victor, who could buy the entire fucking team. Really Diane? He's a billionaire, and the battlefield you've chosen to face him in is the financial realm? Why don't you just have a contest with Victor to see whose dick is bigger?
Anyway, the scene's still going on and Adam's at the door with plumes of thick black smoke pouring out of his ears. He's curious as to why she threw him under the bus about the SEC investigation. Diane quivers nervously.
Gloworm.
Noah mopes at a table. His ex Eden joins him, so it must be great for Noah to be confronted with a walking symbol of his romantic failure. Perfect day for it, too. She's subletting lawyer Heather's apartment while Heather's out of town. Noah whines about his mother going to prison and Eden offers to help. Unless 'help' involves a box of Betty Crocker cake mix and a big ass metal file, I don't see what she can do. Noah's actual girlfriend shows up and Eden watches them hug.
 |
| Envy is a four-letter word, Eden. |
Victor's at the door to talk business with his daughter, the new COO of Newman Enterprises. She's too distracted by Billy's situation, earning a raised eyebrow from her Billy-loathing dad.
Courthouse.
The bailiff returns without Billy hanging upside down tied to a stick, so I guess the hunt was fruitless. Should have followed the fragrant scent of cheap swilled booze. The judge starts the trial - but Rafe and Billy squeeze in through the door and now Rafe has to stammer his way out of trouble. Just as he does, the judge gets a note that Billy was arrested for whore-not-hiring and calls him out on it. Jaws drop.
Gloworm.
Noah and his girlfriend, the lovely Miss Whatever McBitpart, continue the pity party while Eden stares holes into them from the bar. McBitpart offers her help but she doesn't look like she can bake construction tools into cakes either. Actually, she looks so stupid she'd probably try to bake a nail file into the center of a doughnut. Eden cock-blocks the moment. Oh! His girlfriend's actual name is Hunter. Hunter McBitpart, got it. Hunter's going to intern at Restless Style. Welcome aboard, completely interchangeable actress!
Victoria's house.
She's fetching tea for her dad while confiding in him about Billy's predicament. She decides to let Billy stand or fall on his own, which is like this weird moment of mature sanity that really stands out for its rarity on this show.
Courthouse.
Oh, I'm sure this whole 'whore' thing is totally going to work in Billy's favor and - what's that? He's totally fucked? Huh. Who woulda thought.
 |
| I don't think he's buying what you're selling, Billy boy. |
Diane and Adam volley for who's the biggest back-stabber. This could go on for hours. Diane lies her way out of it and I see why fate has brought these two together. Diane totally thinks Adam has no real plan to take down Victor even though he says he does.
Victoria's house.
Victoria goes all 'Jabot' this and 'competitive' that and numbers and figures and corporate lingo and Victor's getting a semi over it and then he gets a call about Billy.
Courthouse.
Chloe wins sole custody. Billy's allowed to visit his daughter for two minutes a year but he must do so only from inside a dark closet wearing a sleep mask, earplugs, and a gag, which seems fair enough. Billy's officially got nuthin' but his addictions left, especially since he alienates his mom Jill with some vicious verbal jabs. He yells angrily across the court at Chloe as she leaves, which should totally convince the judge he's stable.
Victoria's house.
Victoria's devastated when dad tells her Billy got pinched and tossed in the hoosegow for hiring a hooker.
Courthouse.
Chloe: "Nyah, nyah, baby's mine!"
Billy: "Gimme!"
Chloe: "No backsies!"
Billy: "Nuh uh!"
Chloe: "Neener neener!"
Well, it was sort of like that. I may have embellished slightly.
 |
| "Neener neener neener!" |
Third wheel Eden watches Noah and Hunter be all cuddly and supportive and I think her eating disorder may make a comeback. Fingers crossed!
Athletic club suite.
Adam's told Diane his plan. They talk about it, they talk around it, they just don't say what it is. Thanks, fucking show. After Adam leaves, Diane calls the DA and lets him know that he's an incompetent idiot with a mole in his office working for Adam. The DA is offended by the implication that he can't run a tight ship, but has trouble talking with her because all of the guys at the office are making a ruckus throwing pies at each other and squirting seltzer into the desk fans.
Courthouse.
Blah blah how do we tell Delia her daddy's an unwashed alcoholic gambler? Here's a suggestion: take the kid over to his trailer on a Sunday morning and just show him to her. Case closed. Moving on.
Plywood forest.
Here's the hooker Billy not-solicited, coming to collect for setting Billy up. Victor's happy to hand over a fat envelope stuffed with cash. Sadly, no scenery-chewing evil laughter from Victor. But it sure did belong in there.
 |
| MWAH HA HA HA!!! |
Billy's at the door. Victoria hugs him, because WHAT THE FUCK? WHY?
No comments:
Post a Comment