Episode: July 20 2011

Courtroom.
Dayum! Those are some sexy jumpsuits those women inmates are wearing these days! Cleavage and everything! Can't wait for the prison swimsuit portion of Sharon's sentence. Sharon's lawyer Leslie meets her at the courthouse. Sharon realizes she's going away to prison for a long, long time. Leslie just hopes the check'll clear.

This rehabilitation brought to you by Coco Chanel.

Crimson Lights.
Sam the vet is mixing up a cup of coffee when Victor enters. They chit chat and Victor walks away and what was the point of that scene again?

Adam's Suite/Gloworm.
Adam's at his suite talking on the phone with Diane at Gloworm. He's eager to put Victor's ass in prison and she's like, mellow out, what's the rush? He doesn't trust her spinelessness and wants to move on his big plan before she gets distracted by something shiny. Diane hangs up as Nick and Phyllis enter the club and grab the table farthest away from her. Nick wonders why Phyllis isn't more rabid about embarrassing Sharon in her column, like usual, and she's coy and evasive in her answers.

Jimmy's Bar.
Noah's apparently a little retarded, because they have great coffee at Crimson Lights and shitty bar coffee at Jimmy's and, unless that's bourbon in that mug, he's gone to a dive hole in the wall for some dumpster-grounds java. Eden finds him there, where he's hiding out instead of watching his mom get sentenced to forever in prison. Loyal son!

WARNING: Jimmy's dumpster-grounds coffee may contain bum urine.

Courtroom.
Jack's arrived to hug it out with Sharon. He's just glad she's alive. Adam sleazes through the door and the music gets all shady and dramatic.

Jimmy's Bar.
Turns out Sharon told him not to come and watch the court throw the book at her and he was like, "Sure!". But All I notice is that now Eden's drinking the shitty dumpster coffee, too.

Gloworm.
Nick's making excuses for not going to the courthouse to watch the mother of his children get dumped into a deep hole for the rest of her life. What a dick. There's so little action in this show it may as well be on the radio. Phyllis has noticed Adam's abrupt about-face when it comes to proving Sharon innocent. What's changed?

Courtroom.
Adam, who threw away the only evidence that could exonerate the totally innocent Sharon, gives Sharon some support by way of reminding her how fucked up she is. Smooth move bro.

Gloworm.
Phyllis is off to the courthouse to gloat over Sharon's doomed life. She and Nick kinda sorta flirt, I can't really tell, but the slow congo porn music is playing in the background so, I'm guessing this is verbal foreplay. Which goes nowhere. Nick decides to take some cheap potshots at Diane, which is the Newman family's hobby. The scene ends with Nick saying "Diane, I don't hate you." Which, what the fuck?

"...and you smell funny and you're a big fat poopy head."

Courthouse.
Victor and Sam arrive so Jack gets to meet Sam. Jack slams Victor. Judge Salazar enters and the court is now in session. The judge looks a wee bit like one of those tall aliens with the long necks from the end of Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

 Honorable Alien-Human Hybrid presiding.

Judge ET drops the hammer hardcore on Sharon with a 30-year sentence, no parole. Bam! Goes the gavel. Victor lambasts the DA for putting innocent people in jail, even though it was Victor who made the DA think Sharon was guilty in the first place. Adam's rubbing salt in the fresh wound before he and Jack abandon Sharon once again. Sam's the only nice guy to her and Victor vows to help her out and he sounds like he means it. Adam skulks in the doorway eavesdropping.

Screwed.

Gloworm.
Nick's still fucking with Diane's head for sport, the dick. Her phone rings as Nick leaves. It's Adam demanding she come meet him so she's gone. Jack stops by to drop the bad news about Sharon to Nick.

Jimmy's Bar.
Eden and Noah blah blah angst. He gets the call from Nick about Sharon's sentence. More blah blah blah angst.

Restless Style.
Phyllis is on the phone spreading the word about how fucked Sharon is. With her vindictive determination, the whole world will know Sharon's shame by morning. She should put that on her dating profile.

Courtroom.
Sharon says her final goodbyes. Sam vows to stay loyally in her corner. Victor angrily corners Leslie and lets her know she really fucked this one up. Which, I hate to say it, I agree with that old bastard. Sharon's carted off strapped in one of those Hannibal Lechter dollies with a hockey mask on her face.

Adam's Suite.
Diane wavers on carrying out Adam's big plan - to frame Victor Newman for Diane's murder. Adam hasn't said yet that it will be a faked murder, which I think might be significant, Diane...

Jail Pay Phone.
Now in a less-flattering orange jumpsuit, Sharon's leaving a message for Adam apologizing for hurting him. She needs to see him...

Taint so purty now, am she!

Courthouse.
Victor offers to cover Sam's expenses but he turns it down. Sam asks if the articles about Adam being a douche bag prick are true. Victor wastes no time giving a hell yes.

Adam's Suite.
Adam pressures Diane to grow a spine, apparently not realizing that all female citizens are required to surrender their spines at the Genoa City limits by order of Victor Newman. They bicker. Adam reminds her that Victor wants to steal her son. She's still in on his plan, but wants a payout of epic proportions so she can send Kyle away. Adam agrees to pay the whore off - but only if she signs custody of Kyle over to Victor. Which ... wait, how can she send him away if she doesn't have custody of him? What the what?

Jimmy's Bar.
Blah blah teen angst moving on.

Courthouse.
Sam and Victor negotiate their new partnership to help Sharon. Victor swears up and down he's not doing this to stick it to Adam, and salt-of-the-earth Sam? Not quite buying it. Good move, Sam.

Gloworm.
Jack and Nick, blah blah Sharon angst and Adam suspicion.

Jail Pay Phone.
Sharon calls again for Adam - but Diane picks up. Drama!

Restless Style.
Adam meets with Phyllis. She claims she found out he had the evidence to free Sharon - and she wants to have it. Right, turn it over to Sharon's mortal enemy, fantastic idea.